I would like to tell you what has been on my mind, since it concerns you a fair bit.
The other day I read something really intriguing on Facebook. Here it is:
VACATIONS LIE. Culture tells us to spend an entire year saving for a week to escape our life. We call it vacation. Even as I’m on this incredible road trip across the Northwest with my family, something doesn’t feel right. Vacations are meant to be new, they are meant to be fun, but they are not meant to be better than your normal life. I’ve been all around the world, and I would never trade travel for what I have at home. Life isn’t about the 50 vacations you’ll take while you’re on this planet. It’s about the 25,000 days between them. Stop creating a life that you need a vacation from. Instead, move to where you want to live, do what you want to do, start what you want to start, and create the life you want today. This isn’t rehearsal people. This is YOUR life. – Dale Partridge
That made me think.
As you might have noticed in some of my less happy posts, the life I am leading right now is very much one I need a vacation from. Not all of it, don’t worry. I am renting a wonderful apartment with my most amazing boyfriend. We totally made it our own little cosy place to hide from the world, and in the weekends we always have a good time, either exploring our new neighbourhood or going shopping or cooking some nice food or whatever really. It’s the work I need a vacation from. And the person it turns me into. In the week, I am completely worthless. I don’t feel like doing anything after work, I just want to eat, sit on the couch, and go to sleep. I am moody and sad. And that’s 5 days out of 7. As much fun as the weekends are, they are too short. I feel like I hardly have enough time to be me again before it gets to Monday.
So why am I still struggling through all this? Several reasons really. First of all, I thought this job was going to be the job of my dreams. I’ve only been doing this for one year now, and I’m hoping the motivation, and therefore the fun in the job, will come back. Secondly, the job is an amazing opportunity not a lot of people get. Call it group pressure or wanting to impress, but I don’t want to give up so easily. Thirdly, it pays well. Money doesn’t make happy and all, but it sure does help. Because with all that money, I can go on an awesome holiday!
And that brings me back to the vacation problem. If I would take this visionary’s advice, I would quit my job. To live a life I don’t need a vacation from. But then, what kind of life would that be? What kind of job could I do that would pay the bills, and the fun extras, and that would leave me being Me Monday to Sunday? To be honest, I don’t know where to start! Whenever I think about this, you know, about a way to change my life for the better, I get stuck with: “but I need money” and “but it’s supposed to be the best job ever” and “but I can’t give up just yet”.
So I’ve been struggling through this job. Saving as much as I can. For the occasional weekend getaway. And after another three years (which is when my contract for this job ends), me and the boyfriend will go on another adventure. So far we have narrowed it down to either a 3-month road trip through Southern Africa or a working holiday in New-Zealand. And after that, hopefully we still have enough money left to get a loan and buy a house, and find jobs we really like.
But… that means I have to live the Vacation Lie Life for three more years. Three more years of not being Me. I’m scared for what it’ll turn me in to. I like being Me. Please Me, don’t go away. Stick with me for another three years, then we can have fun again.
Lots of love,