I am officially not young anymore. Why? Because I’m scared of time sneaking up on me.
No, I’m not talking about wrinkles and back problems. I’m talking about having to make choices. Big ones.
In the next 5 to 10 years, there are two main things I would like to do.
Go on another crazy adventure, me and the boyfriend against the world.
The last part is not necessarily something I want to do in the next 5 to 10 years, it’s more something I have to do in the next 5 years if I ever want to. Fuck that’s scary. I’m only 25. I feel like the world is at my feet, but I’ve got this heavy backpack full of lack of time.
I wonder how these adventure couples do it. We all know the stories: ‘we sold our house and bought a van and have been travelling for three years now’. How do they plan for the future? Or do they not? Are my dreams not combinable?
I mean, think of your parents. Parents used to be awesome before we came around. My mom and dad travelled through the Atlas Mountains on donkeys. They used to grow weird organic food in their garden in the 80s. My dad used to take meditation classes. Now, they are members of the local tennis club. They go to the opera once a month. And since my brother and I have left the house, they are slowly picking up travelling again. Last year they cross-country skied through Lapland. But for about 25 years, my parents drove us to our hobbies and made birthday cakes, while attending parent-teacher meetings and buying us new shoes every so many months.
I am so not ready for that. And I’m scared I won’t be by the time I need to be. Because let’s face it ladies, we are stuck with a biological clock. If we ever want a little version of us running around the house, we need to plan for it. Of course we want a wonderful partner first. Now that part I’ve got sorted, thank god. But ideally, we also have some financial security. A sound job and at least a two bedroom apartment that is our own. And then we will give our little rascals everything we have and we will love them like we have never loved before. And they will love us back, and that’ll be everything we need to keep us sane between all the smelly nappies and crazy teenage drama.
But what happens to our other dreams? I always figured you should live your dreams until children become your one and only dream. That’s when the time is right. And that’s the way time would do it. You get to grow up, find yourself, see the world, meet people, bump into your second half, and by the time you’re tired of the adventure, your motherly instincts will give you butterflies every time you see chubby little baby cheeks.
I seem to have skipped a part. I adore chubby little baby cheeks and tiny little grabby fingers. But I’m not tired of the adventure. And let’s face it, if you’re that crazy to combine them, you’re gonna need a whole lot of money to back you up. Because you will want your little monkeys to have it all. Just like you want to have it all. And if maybe time would just slow down, you could.