One Month From Now…

In exactly one month, it’ll be March 11th. It will be a special day.

Let me run you through the next month. Tomorrow, it’s Monday. Which means, back to work. It’s been really tough, I’m in the last year of my PhD and I’m SO done with it! Turns out the PhD really wasn’t for me, and I’m really getting more annoyed with it by the day. I just really hope I can finish this thing sooner rather than later and move on to something new and exciting. And also, I really really hope that I won’t regret having spent four years of my life on this. I hate getting stuck in “what if”s, so when it comes to decision times I always try to think: “What will I regret the most?” Like when I was thinking of going to Australia for a year. “What will I regret the most? If I go to the other side of the globe and maybe something happens to my grandparents and I won’t be around? Or if I don’t go?” I figured I’d forever wonder “what if” if I wouldn’t have gone, so I did it. And thank goodness I did, because not only did I have a spectacular year, I also met the love of my life there.

So tomorrow, back to work. I made myself a deadline for the end of the month to have a first full draft of the dissertation. That is so not going to happen, but I’ll now try to have a first draft of the first part (out of three). The second part is roughly finished, and the third part still needs a lot of work. And then there’s the intro, conclusion, methodology, appendices, bibliography, etc. Worries for later I guess. Ugh.

The day after tomorrow, my students are coming round to look at their exams. January was exam period, and now that the students have gotten their results I’m getting emails left right and centre for them to come look at their exams. Now this year, my students were quite different from the last few years. They have this weird sense of “that’s not fair”. Maybe it’s to do with this whole millenial business, you know, the fact that millenials feel entitled and stuff (watch this super interesting video by Simon Sinek if you don’t know what I’m on about). Maybe that stuff has finally reached Belgium. I think technically, I’m a millenial too, but I’m not half as bad as my students this year! The course I teach is a tiny tiny course in the first year. Just some terminology of (Dutch) linguistics that’ll serve as a base for the next few years of theory. Really, it’s just getting a hang of the linguistic vocabulary. This is a pronoun. This is an adverb. This is a pronominal adverb (which is only called like that because linguists can’t make up their minds on whether they are adverbs or pronouns, I guess). Now, the grading for the course is a bit peculiar. During the semester, the students have to make tests online (with all their materials available to them), multiple choice. At the end of the semester, there’s also an exam, again multiple choice but this time without their course books and stuff. On a multiple choice test with 4 answer options, you have one chance in 4 that you’ll pass by guessing. So to control for that, students have to get 80% of the questions right to pass the course. Considering that it is such a basic course, I don’t think that’s too much to ask. Also, they only have 7 classes and the course book consists of not even 30 pages. But yet, every class we spent about 15 minutes discussing the grading system. And they’re only first year students! I feel like one of the things you learn at school, is that in some cases, you just smile and nod! You need to learn to pick you battles, right? And battling with me over some silly tests about absolutely basic knowledge for your academic career, that’s just such a waste of time for all of us. So Tuesday, when the students come by, I’m not quite sure yet how to play it. Either I listen to their “concerns” and try to justify the grading system, or I calmly tell them to deal with it. I hope I won’t lose my cool!

Wednesday, I go to the gym and try again for the stupid dissertation. Thursday, same story. Friday,… You know what, I’ll just skip ahead. Friday the 2nd of March is my last day of work before three weeks of holiday. That’s why I wanted to get that first full draft done, that way I could just relax and wait for the reviews to come in with absolutely no worries because there’d be absolutely nothing that would need to get done. I’m annoyed it won’t happen, because it is my own fault. I can be so damn lazy and I stopped enjoying the PhD a while ago, so it’s really hard to motivate myself to do anything. And then I slack. And then nothing happens. And then I don’t make my deadlines. Ugh.

But back to the fun stuff. The 11th of March in particular. Because, the 11th of March will be the first day in my life being married to my soulmate! I’m so excited to start calling him My Husband, put that ring on his finger and show the world that what we have is truly something unique.

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The Teaching Terror

I have to teach today! For the first time! Well, not really for the first time, I’ve given workshops before, but always about a subject I mastered, and to very small classes of motivated students. Today, it is the real thing.

I will be teaching to an auditorium of about 100 students.

These students will be mostly unmotivated as this is one of the obligatory subjects in their curriculum.

I do not look any older than most of the students, and they will probably think I am a brave first year student pulling a prank.

I am teaching the Friday evening slot when everyone, including me, wants to go home.

I will be teaching a subject I almost failed myself when I was still in my first year.

I have to use a handbook I don’t understand because certain things just don’t add up.

I AM SUPER NERVOUS!

I have to do this teaching as a part of my PhD program. I was quite looking forward to it, I thought I’d be doing some of the more practical subjects to small groups of motivated students. Presentation skills, or maybe even English pronunciation, that would’ve been fun! Instead, I get to teach Dutch grammar.

I remember this course being absolute hell in my first year, it is the only one in my whole student career that I almost failed. The handbook I have to use now, is definitely not making it any easier. And on top of that, I have to teach in Dutch: even though it is my native language, I hardly ever have to speak it in such a formal environment where I have to show great language skills. If I make even the tiniest grammar mistake (which I will, because I usually work and speak in English, and I tend to make up words when I speak Dutch, think the opposite of the Dutch Louis Van Gaal trying to speak English), I’m a goner.

Please give me some tips! How do I compose myself and make the students think I do this all the time? What should I do if they ask me a question and I have no clue? What should I do if someone points out a mistake I made, whether it was in my grammar or something I explained wrong? And how do I keep having students in my class, rather than them dropping out and trying to self-study?